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NFL Week 13 Picks: Surely You Can’t Be Serious…

By |2018-12-01T13:54:58+00:00December 1st, 2018|0 Comments

Thanksgiving is over and December is here, which means more and more weather impacts on the NFL Week 13 slate.  There’s snow expected in Green Bay, rain in New  York and blustery conditions for a number of games throughout the country. 

Keep that in mind when picking games against the spread.  I outlined that and other things to consider in my Week 11 Wedding Crashers post.

Although, some of those factors didn’t exactly pan out during somewhat mediocre Week 11 and Week 12 performances.  You can’t expect a 14-1 three-week stretch over the course of an entire season.  There are just too many variables to consider.

We do the best we can.  So…

Lady: Cut me some slack, Jack! Chump don’ want no help, chump don’t GET da help!

[Subtitle: GIVE ME A BREAK! IF YOU DON’T WANT HELP, I WON’T HELP YOU!]

That brings us to this week’s theme: Airplane!

The movie references will be the only time I’m going near the Jets (tip your wait staff).  With jokes like that, it looks like you “picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue”.

Here are MY FIVE LOCKS for the week, with my NFL Week 13 picks against the spread in RED.

KP’s Subtitle-Free, High-Flying NFL Week 13 Picks

FIVE Los Angeles Rams at Detroit Lions (+10)

Let’s start with the battle for the league’s top team.  The Saints surprisingly went silent against the Cowboys and the Chiefs are in complete turmoil.  That leaves the Rams, coming off a bye.  Aqib Talib is active and back, which boosts the pass defense.  Throw in L.A.’s track-style offense in a dome (on turf).  Meanwhile, the Lions are already without Marvin Jones (IR).  Golden Tate was traded weeks ago.  Kerryon Johnson is out this week and Bruce Ellington is questionable.

“Can you fly this plane and land it”, Matthew Stafford?

“Surely you can’t be serious.”

“I am serious… and don’t call me Shirley.”

No, really… I am very serious.  The Rams cover big on the road.

FOUR Indianapolis Colts at Jacksonville Jaguars (+4)

If you haven’t noticed, the Colts have won five straight.  The Jags, meanwhile, are crumbling right before our eyes.  Let’s start on defense.  Jalen Ramsey might not play.  A once ferocious defense is now 27th in sacks (21).  Oh, and to add to that, Indianapolis has allowed an NFL-low 11 sacks.  What about the offense?  There’s a new OC (Hackett is gone) and a new QB, Cody Kessler (enjoy that clipboard, Mr. Bortles).  Carlos Hyde is replacing a suspended Leonard Fournette, too.  There will be struggles.  How will the Jags respond to all the change?  To this point, the answer to that question has been – “not well”.

Hanging Lady: Nervous?

Ted Striker: Yes.

Hanging Lady: First time?

Ted Striker: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times.

Indianapolis keeps the streak alive.  Give me the Colts to cover on the road.

THREE Arizona Cardinals at Green Bay Packers (-14)

Randall Cobb is excited to see how Aaron Rodgers will respond to recent criticism.  Green Bay has its proverbial back against the wall, likely needing to win out.  But can we really trust this Packers offense that has completely floundered over the last few weeks?  Also, don’t overlook the Arizona defense, which is fourth against the pass (219.8 ypg allowed).

But, this is Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau against Josh Rosen.  Right?  Well, exactly!  Lambeau in December.  The forecast calls for light snow, 20 mph winds and temps in the mid-30’s.  What will that do to the game plan?  Could we see more David Johnson and Aaron Jones?  I can’t tell.

Rumack: You can tell me. I’m a doctor.

Captain Oveur: No. I mean I’m just not sure.

Rumack: Well, can’t you take a guess?

Captain Oveur: Well, not for another two hours.

Rumack: You can’t take a guess for another two hours?

Bank on high winds and more running.  Give me the Cardinals and the points.

Speaking of Chicago…

TWO Chicago Bears at New York Giants (+4)

Seven of New York’s games have been decided by five points or less this season.  SEVEN.  That includes the last three.  Although, these games were against the Bucs, Niners and Eagles – lesser defenses.  Nothing like what New York will face with the Bears.

Mitch Trubisky is doubtful, likely meaning it’ll be the Chase Daniel show again.  The Bears, however, have had a few extra days to prepare following its Thanksgiving win over Detroit.  The forecast calls for drizzle and chilly conditions.  That could also play into Chicago’s hands.  Red zone attempts could be at a premium.  With that in mind, Chicago is 8th in overall red zone scoring percentage (TD only), while the Giants are 28th.  At home, New York is also 28th.

Male announcer: The red zone has always been for loading and unloading of passengers. There’s never stopping in a white zone.

No arguing.  Chicago’s rested D is too much for Eli.  Give me the Bears to cover on the road.

ONE Washington Redskins at Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5)

Yes, I know the recent history of the Redskins on Monday Night Football.  It’s bad.  I also realize the injuries the Redskins have had to deal with, especially on offense.  It feels like half the team “has to be gotten to a hospital”.

Elaine Dickinson: A hospital? What is it?

Rumack: It’s a big building with patients, but that’s not important right now.

But there’s hope, as a number of key players are set to come back.  Meanwhile, the Eagles have had their own struggles.  In fact, all but one of Philadelphia’s wins have been by less than a TD.

With that in mind, give me the Redskins and the points in a close game on Monday night.


2018 NFL Season to Date (ATS)

Week 1 | Week 2 | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 | Week 6 | Week 7 | Week 8 | Week 9 | Week 10 | Week 11 | Week 12

[Subtitle: Thank you for reading The Wife Hates Sports!]

Movie Credits: Airplane!

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About the Author:

Kevin Paul is the creator of The Wife Hates Sports, a freelance sportswriter, full-time QA manager, part-time craft beer tester and full-time Dad. Oh and yes, it is true, the wife REALLY does HATE sports. Maybe I need to create a support group like the Hair Club for Men, where I'm "not only the President, but a member".

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