Welcome to the “Wifetionary”, a detailed custom dictionary of terms specifically generated at The Wife Hates Sports.  Feel free to nominate terms of your own (via the contact button on the home page).  Any submissions, as long as tasteful enough and accepted by management, will be featured here, along with a credit.

MORE TO COME on this page, but here’s a starting point:

The “WIFETIONARY”

“The Wife” – A term often used by men, when they are out with other guys.  Call it a term of endearment, if you will.  Instead of using the name of the significant other – it can be a girlfriend, a rumored girlfriend, or even an actual wife – this is a term frequently used by the male species.  It’s often more accepted than nicknames such as “the old lady” or “the boss”.

The Clock Manager - COMING SOON – This one will have a blog of its own, and when that’s out, we’ll reveal the definition here.

The Inopportunist - It’s 4th and goal at the 1, 10 seconds to go, your team is down 6, and “the wife” chooses the appropriate time to either ask a question or walk in front of the television.  It’s inopportunistic and it’s painful – and it happens a lot.

The Questionnaire - Hey, I’m all for “the wife” asking questions to try and learn more about sports, but it’s those parties out there that ask so many questions that the game “20 Questions” appears to be as short as Jay Leno’s prime time career.

The Reversee - This is “the wife” that always states the score with your team’s score first, no matter what the outcome.  Sorry, kids – but our team didn’t lose “13 to 24″ - it was a loss, but with a final of 24-13.

Two Chickens - When men are often accused of not listening to women, KP once retorted with the fact that women do the same thing.  To explain the concept, he didn’t use a sports-related story, as it wouldn’t get the point across.  Instead, he used a separate example by telling a farmer story strictly based on cows (add in custom details – milk, milking, whatever you wish).  In the end, two chickens were also mentioned – but only once.  After stopping to ask if the wife had heard one thing he said, she responded with, “Yes, two chickens.”  Use this story at parties, friends – it kills.

The Expert-In-Law (in my case the mother) – In an attempt to bond with me, she pays closer attention to the sports I watch, buys team shirts and sweatshirts to wear for the big games and in the beginning, she was your typical “20 questioner” but as time passed, she became an expert. Now, on the rare occasion when we are all in the same room watching a game and THE WIFE asks a question about what’s going on, before I can give an answer, The Expert-In-Law gives a complex answer that is almost always off the mark. – Courtesy of Joe L.