When Ohio State and USC hit the field this weekend, it won’t just be one of the biggest games of the week, but also the entire college football season.

And while there are a lot of things you will hear before, during and after this matchup, here is a list of ten things you most definitely will NOT hear:

Top 10 Things You Won’t Hear at Ohio State vs USC Game this Weekend

10. Dane Sanzenbacher: “Boy, I can’t wait to meet Taylor Mays on the field.”

9. Pete Carroll: “I’ll never chance it by going for it on fourth and short.”

8. Matt Barkley: “John David Booty has been giving me advice on his recent experiences on how to handle the continuous influx of media.”

7. OSU Linebackers: “Joe McKnight? Piece of cake…we handled Ricky Dobbs last week.”

6. Terrelle Pryor: “No time to talk, I have been hired to be President Obama’s new press secretary.”

5. Taylor Mays: “When away from football, I enjoy knitting, reading romance novels, and long walks on the beach.”

4. Mitch Mustain: “I’m gettin’ some tonight.”

3. Jim Tressel: “Let’s do a doublereverse, fake flea flicker.”

2. USC Trojans: “Let’s celebrate a score with a golf clap and a nonchalant handing of the football to the official.”

1. Ohio State Sports Information Department: “Mr. Maurice Clarett will be dotting the “i” today.”


The Trojans and Buckeyes will make ripples throughout the ranks of the college football season.  Here’s hoping more entertaining real-life quotes are to come, too.

** Obvious Disclaimer: None of the above quotes are real, but instead an attempt at humor

Originally posted by Kevin Paul (via Fox Sports, Bleacher Report, or First and Big Ten) on September 10, 2009

Archive: More attempts at Humor here at The Wife Hates Sports