The sports world has hockey and pro hoops hitting stretch runs, March Madness in the Final Four, the NFL Draft just a few weeks away and Major League Baseball just kicking off a new season. This sounds like a job for Throwing Tomatoes!
Don’t worry, there are plenty of tomato-worthy headlines to go around.
So, as the sports world turns, the stories pile up and more fan frustration emerges. But don’t sweat it, The Wife Hates Sports has them all covered – in lycopene, that is.
Throwing Tomatoes: March 6, 2013
Headliner: Mike Rice, Tim Pernetti and Rutgers
There’s not much else to say, as the Rutgers story has been monopolizing the news headlines. Chalk it up as another embarrassing scandal in college sports.
There are a million better ways to inspire and motivate your kids. Hopefully, Rutgers can find someone to right the ship – and faster than you can say (or spell) Parsippany.
Target: Stevie Johnson
Buffalo Bills WR Stevie Johnson may have been joking, but his North Korea – New England Patriots tweet was still a poor and classless decision. For those that missed it, here’s what he said:
War is nothing to be played with. I apologize North Korea……..but if y’all do bomb 1st… Bomb Foxboro, Mass.
— STVN (@StevieJohnson13) April 3, 2013
C’mon, Stevie, don’t you know that Elaine Benes and Jerry Seinfeld are the only people that are allowed to joke about war?
Above reference is featured in the Elaine tribute video at the two-minute mark
Innocent Bystanders: The People of Foxborough, MA and the New England Patriots
Fine, so the Patriots aren’t so innocent, because when you’re that good, it gives opposing teams a reason to talk trash and be jealous.
Innocent Bystander: Denard Robinson
A Detroit Tigers tweet sent out earlier today:
Denard Robinson will be throwing the first pitch out for the Tigers on Tuesday afternoon against the Bluejays.
— Chantel Jennings (@ChantelJennings) April 6, 2013
No word yet on which Blue Jays player intercepted it.
Yep, like shooting fish in a barrel… but he sure can run.
Dear Michigan fans: A stat line: Forty-nine career passing TD’s and 39 picks – it’s a valid zing.
We interrupt this post for something that’s MORE appealing, but still covered in RED…
OK, so maybe covered isn’t an accurate description…
Innocent Bystander: Kate Upton
All she did was wear red.
Target: Tampa Bay Rays Mascot
I’m still baffled at the decision made by the mascot of the Rays. How could this sign be seen as a clever and amusing way to support the team during a game?
Apparently this sign was at the game last night. PS: Don’t shoot the messenger aka: me…. pic.twitter.com/NoPf1wbGlL
— Megan (@asianmegan) April 4, 2013
— Megan (@asianmegan) April 4, 2013
The organization later apologized, but let it be a lesson to you: Never mess with the croc hunter.
Seriously, that message just stings.
OK, if I could take that joke back, I would.
Target: Daryl Washington
As tweeted by ESPN’s Adam Schefter:
NFL suspended Cardinals LB Daryl Washington for four games for violating league’s substance abuse policy.
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) April 3, 2013
Innocent Bystander: Reagan Maui’a
If any Cardinals player was on something, this guy should have been the one expected, considering he was the player that said he met Manti Te’o’s girlfriend. Yes, the fake one.
Target: A Washington Nationals Themed Bathroom?
If you check it out, the work is impressive and it’s overall a cool idea. Still, a bathroom being the space to feature your favorite team? As in, this is where you will sit on the crapper?
This just smells like a WIFE that wouldn’t allow for a man cave to be constructed. All this poor sap got was a chance to enjoy his Nats while sitting on the can. (H/T Larry Brown Sports)
Ongoing Target: The Tony Romo Contract
Even teammates of Tony Romo have things to say about his bloated 108 million dollar contract (e.g. DeMarcus Ware).
Romo is a solid quarterback, but he’s not 100-million-dollar-solid. That kind of bank is reserved for quarterbacks that have a higher tally of accolades.
Innocent Bystanders: Fans of the Dallas Cowboys
For football fans, it’s a love or hate relationship with the Cowboys – and as long as Jerry Jones is running the show in Dallas, the haters appear likely to be smiling at the end of the day.
Target: Paul Pierce
Don’t fall out of your chair, but this one actually comes from THE WIFE – and by now, you know that it has nothing to do with Pierce’s game or the Boston Celtics.
Pierce and his WIFE recently had a son, naming him Prince Paul Pierce. NBA reporter Alex Kennedy loves the name, as pointed out by USA Today, but let’s just say that THE WIFE doesn’t quite share the same sentiment.
Personally, I enjoy unique and crazy celebrity names like Apple and Blue – and if I were Paul Pierce, I would have named my son Serum. Together, they could have been “The Truth Serum”. OK, maybe not, especially considering that serum really just means “whey” or “watery fluid”.
That’s just not badass in any way, shape, or form, but hey, CONGRATS to the Pierce family.
And finally, the current faces of team frustration in sports:
Los Angeles Angels – It’s early, but we all know the names in that lineup, and the Angels have scored just 13 runs in its first four games. Heck, the Astros have scored 11.
Carolina Hurricanes – The ‘Canes are 1-8-1 over its last ten games, yet remain just four points behind for the Southeast division lead
Cleveland Cavaliers / Orlando Magic / Phoenix Suns – Joining the Bobcats to represent as the four teams with the worst records in the NBA, this trio has combined to go 3-27 over its last 30.
NBA Eastern Conference – Just a handful of games away from the end of the regular season, and it appears likely that the East will again have a playoff team with a losing record (The 8th seeded Bucks are 36-39)
This has been Throwing Tomatoes, where we make fruit, not war.
Throwing Tomatoes started back in KP’s blogging and freelancing days at Fox Sports. It started in the Fox Sports blogging community and was later a staple at the Fox Sports Funhouse, as well as finding its way on the Fox Sports home page from time to time.