Have you ever seen the movie The Money Pit?  If not, it’s an 80’s classic comedy starring Tom Hanks and Shelley Long.  Anyway, it’s about a couple that buys a dream home that requires a lot of renovation.  Hilarity ensues – and NO, the renovation is not a reference to my last month of football picks.  Week 12 actually brought back a winning record.  I’m ready to guarantee that the Week 13 Best Bets at The Wife Hates Sports are going to be even better yet. 

The reference is simply tied to, you guessed it… home renovations.  After being borderline trapped in our house for the majority of the last two years, we started to nitpick at the minor details.  We settled on some home renovations in the last two months and, well… it has been a bit of a debacle, to say the least.  

You simply can’t find good contractors these days.  We actually found one that did an amazing job rebuilding our pantry and adding built-ins in a separate room.  The issue was his outsourced painters.  Slow and sloppy painters.  Picture molasses in January.  Think about the sloths in Zootopia, then multiply that by five.  These two guys come in, stream music, chat, take long breaks, and leave half-empty Coke bottles on the counter.  So many Coke bottles that our first floor reminds me of the movie Signs.  These guys do a lot of things, most of which isn’t actual painting.

Home Crap Home

As a result of the extended paint job, all of our household items have had to be dispersed into different locations.  For days.  We have enough tarps to cover Fenway Park during a rain delay.  It got to the point that I started dropping references from The Money Pit on a daily basis.  It started with this one, because the place was such a mess – and yes, I’d say it when I walked into the house.

Two Weeks (and Two Weeks Again)

We were originally told that this would be a one or two day job.  Here we are, Saturday morning and I’m scrambling to post the Week 13 Best Bets.  A full week later.  One reason is because these two guys are coming back again today.  As I write this, they are parked in the street eating chicken wings – at 9am.  Because of course, we all eat chicken wings at 9am, right?

Each and every day, they follow up with the line, “we’ll be done tomorrow”.

Again, it’s The Money Pit all over.

At this point, I’m waiting to fall through a hole and get stuck in the floor.  If you’ve seen the movie, then you’ll get the reference.  Anyway, I can’t wait to get normalcy back into our daily life.  Speaking of normalcy, let’s get back to our weekly pick ‘em.

Reminder: The Wife Hates SportsChump Contest

As a reminder, Chris Humpherys (the SportsChump) – a good friend of mine through years and years of blogging – has a pick ‘em contest rolling with me for the football season.  We pick our top five games by confidence (against the spread – ATS).  Top selections can be from either the NFL or College Football slate.  We invite a special guest each week to challenge us.

Here are our Week 13 Best Bets for the week (all ATS), which includes both NFL Week 13 Best Bets and College Football Best Bets. The list is ranked in order of confidence, from $50 down to $10 (in fictional dollars, as the SportsChump prefers).  

Week 13 Best Bets: The Wife Hates SportsChump – The Money Pit Edition

DraftKings Sportsbook: Week 13 NFL Lines | CFB Conference Championship Lines

KP’s Picks: The Wife Hates Sports

$50 NFL: Indianapolis Colts (-9.5) at Houston Texans

I tend to avoid making picks within this division.  Still, here I am, and for a few key reasons.  First, the rivalry itself, where the Colts have won 6 of 7 and 8 of 10.  Sure, the Texans have kept their last two home games versus Indy close, but let’s not ignore the 31-3 pounding in favor of the Colts back in October.  Second, Indianapolis is on a strong run of late, scoring 30 or more points in six of its last seven games.  Third, and most importantly, Colts RB Jonathan Taylor is having an MVP-worthy season.  He leads the NFL in rushing and it’s not even close.  Taylor now faces a Houston defense that is ranked 31st against the run, allowing 135.6 ypg.  It’s hard not to feel confident about this game.  Colts cover.

$40 NFL: New York Giants at Miami Dolphins (-4.5)

If you told me I’d be picking the Dolphins a month ago, I would have laughed in your face.  Now, the once floundering Fins have won four straight.  There have been positive signs both offensively and defensively in Miami.  Enter a home game against the Giants, a team under a new OC that will also be without QB Daniel Jones.  WR’s Kadarius Toney and Sterling Shepard are also unlikely to play.  Saquon Barkley should be leaned on, but faces a Miami defense ranked 10th against the run.  Mike Glennon starts for the Giants.  Glennon posted a 29.8 adjusted QBR in five starts last season (all losses).  This year, Glennon tossed two INT’s in a 44-20 loss to Dallas back in October.  That’s a lot of mediocrity and missing pieces.  Add in a hot team on the opposite side and that’s why I’m confident the Dolphins cover at home.

$30 NFL: Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Rams (-12.5)

The Rams are in a tailspin, losing three straight.  However, take a closer look at the opponents: Packers 49ers, and Titans – all playoff contenders.  Sure, the Jags have surprisingly (and rather sporadically) hung with stronger opponents.  You simply can’t ignore the talent gap on the field and a ferocious Rams defense that is sure to throw a lot of different looks at QB Trevor Lawrence.  Shockingly, the Jags have allowed just 20 sacks this season (fifth fewest) – but have they consistently faced defenses like this?  On the offensive side of the ball, Cooper Kupp and Matthew Stafford are likely to have big days.  L.A.’s 4th ranked pass offense (288.9 ypg) should have plenty of success against the Jacksonville defense.  The cross country trip and talent of the Rams will prove to be too much.  Los Angeles covers at home.

$20 NFL: Arizona Cardinals (-7.5) at Chicago Bears

This game opened as my $50 game of the week.  The question marks pushed me to shift it back.  In particular, Kyler Murray and DeAndre Hopkins are game-time decisions for Arizona.  Although, some reports indicated that each would return to the field this weekend.  For Chicago, Justin Fields and Cole Kmet are also banged up, but may both play.  The Bears are also missing key members of its defensive line, which is likely to lead to a lack of a pass rush.  With December upon us, the weather also needs to be considered.  The forecast calls for cooler temperatures and some potential windy conditions.  Overall, manageable.  In addition, the Bears have allowed the most sacks in the NFL.  If Murray and Hopkins are back, this is a mismatch.  I’ll bet each plays and makes an impact.  Give me the Cardinals to cover.

$10 College: Houston Cougars (+10.5) vs Cincinnati Bearcats Sooners

This is when we find out how Luke Fickell really is as a head coach.  Cincinnati survived the season, remains undefeated, and posted big wins against Notre Dame along the way.  This is it.  Win this game and the playoff berth could be a reality.  The opponent is the 16th ranked Houston Cougars, who have not lost a game since the opening week of the season.  Entering the year, Houston returned 18 starters and was listed on Phil Steele’s most improved team list.  Houston has scored 30 points or more in all but two of its games this season.  While the schedule is weaker than most, the Cougars have the 23rd ranked pass offense.  More impressive is Houston’s defense that is ranked 8th against the run and 16th against the pass (with as many INT’s as TD’s allowed – 14).  All the pressure is on the Bearcats.  Houston is no slouch and I think this will be a close game throughout.  Give me the Cougars.

Time to add a second coat of paint in the form of the SportsChump’s picks:

SportsChump’s Picks

Let me have $50 on Jacksonville Jaguars at Los Angeles Rams (-12 ½)

The Rams just went into Lambeau Field, a few thousand miles from their glitzy new stadium, and got beat by a quarterback with a man-bun and a gimpy toe.  Los Angeles may have to travel back there in January so Green Bay wanted to assert its dominance.  They did.  This week, the Rams return home and it is the Jaguars’ turn to travel cross-country.  And no, Jaguars fans, no need to worry.  Urban Meyer will not be interviewing for the USC job while he’s out there, despite the fact that you might want him to.  The feisty, although 2-9, Jaguars’ task is to take on the Rams who are coming off that loss and two more right before that one.  Talk about a sacrificial lamb. 

If Matt Stafford plays in the fourth quarter of this game, I’ll be shocked.  The Rams are only laying twelve-and-a-half so I’m running with it before the spread gets to two touchdowns, which in all actuality, it should.  The Jags haven’t won on the road yet and just lost to the Falcons, one of the worst teams in the league.  The Rams are a Super Bowl contender who are pissed they’re on a three-game skid.  They’ll be picking a fight with the right guy and exposing of Jacksonville handily.  Give me the Rams minus the twelve-and-a-half in a game that shouldn’t be very competitive.

I’ll take $40 on Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions (+7 ½)

Remember that stat I brought up a couple of weeks ago about Minnesota?  How, win or lose, they’re always involved in close games?  The Vikings went seven straight weeks playing in games that were decided by seven points or less.  Last week, they broke that streak.  They lost to the 49ers… by 8.  This week, they travel to Detroit who are covering machines. 

The Lions are 7-4 against the spread.  That’s because Vegas thinks they’ll always lose, which they do, but not by as much as Vegas thinks.  All signs point to a cover here.  The Vikes, who aren’t that good and always play in close games, are laying seven and a hook against a divisional opponent who always covers and are still looking for their first elusive win.  So why wouldn’t I take the points?  I am. Detroit plus the seven-and-a-half please.

Lemme have $30 on Alabama Crimson Tide at Georgia Bulldogs (- 6 ½) 

An SEC guy, I’ve thought long and hard about this one.  Normally, I love betting underdogs.  This week, Alabama is an underdog, breaking an incomprehensible streak of nine full seasons of games as a favorite.  There’s a reason they’re an underdog this week.  They’re playing almighty Georgia, with one final chance at the Final Four.  Meanwhile, the Georgia Bulldogs are allowing a measly, count ‘em, 6.9 points per game!  Clemson’s defense ranks second in all of college football and they’re allowing 15 points per game.  That means Georgia is allowing ten points less per game than any other school in the country!  That’s asinine if not record-setting.  This Georgia team is historically good yet we’re still not quite giving them enough credit for it. 

Again, normally I would take Alabama in this situation.  Nick Saban?  An underdog?  I’d be foolish not to… yet I just can’t seem to do it.  Georgia may exorcise all its demons in one fell swoop this Saturday and there’s nothing Nick Saban can do about it.  I’m getting a team that is dismantling people with everything on the line and I’m laying less than a touchdown.  I have to take Georgia and lay the six-and-a-half this weekend.

Also, $20 on Washington Football Team at Las Vegas Raiders (-1)

I guess I’m not understanding this line.  The Raiders are home to the Washington Football Team and are only laying a point?  I get that the WFT are right where they want to be.  By winning out in their division, in which they play five of their next six games, they can assure themselves a post-season berth.  They’ve won three straight games so they’re playing some pretty good football.  The problem is, the rested Raiders are coming off a Thanksgiving win in Dallas and are riding pretty high themselves. 

I like what Taylor Heinicke is doing this season but he’s no Derek Carr.  The Raiders have to make a post-season push here, tied at 6-5 in their division with the Chiefs and Broncos.  Lose here and a post-season berth is unlikely.  I’m laying a single point so I’m all over the Raiders.  They should secretly be thanking Washington since it’s an investigation of that football team that got their old coach fired.  They’ll thank them proper this week by covering the point in a win.

And finally, $10 on New England Patriots at Buffalo Bills (- 2 ½)

Calling Bills Mafia.  Come in Bills Mafia.  You are now entertaining the hottest team in football.  Not only have the Patriots won six straight games but they haven’t yet lost on the road this season.  Pretty impressive for a team with a rookie quarterback.  Meanwhile, the Bills are underachieving, which is odd to say about a team that’s 7-4.  We only say that because we had high expectations for this team, all but ushering them into the Super Bowl.  With all due respect to Mac Jones, this will be his first Monday night game and his first trip to Buffalo. 

I get that New England is playing nasty football but nobody expected them to be where they are right now, which is atop the AFC East.  Buffalo, despite their iffy start, has every chance Monday night to flip the script and take charge of their division.  They’ll do just that.  A former Patriots quarterback once owned the Bills for two decades.  Mac Jones is going to have to prove to me he can do that before I go betting on him to waltz into Buffalo and win his first start in prime time.  I’ll confidently take Buffalo minus the two-and-a-half.

Season Standings (The Wife Hates Sports | SportsChump | Celebrity Guests)


Add your Week 13 Best Bets in the comments section below. Also, if you have any home renovation stories, I’d love to hear them, too.  As always, thank you for visiting and supporting The Wife Hates Sports!  Have an amazing holiday!