Recently, THE WIFE was away at a conference – and you know what that means!

“While the cat’s away, the mice shall play…”

Not really.

What it really means is that we men take on a few things that perhaps we’re not used to handling solo.

For example, the grocery store run – something that seems like it would be such a simple task – but for those who have tackled a major grocery store binge after taking a few years off – you will likely sympathize and understand the challenges and annoyances that exist.

For me personally, it’s a clockwork thing – head there with THE WIFE every Sunday, get a week’s worth of food, then head back and relax.

But exiting the store that day left me with a desire to also make a beer run – putting myself back in a comfort zone where I’m familiar with how the establishment is organized – from domestic to local brews, and so on.

Good. Smart. Easy.

shopping-for-beer

Why can’t regular grocery stores be more like a liquor store’s beer section?

I also left the store that day with a few thoughts and off-the-wall suggestions for grocery stores and the people who attend them on a regular basis:

1)     IN THE CAN: Who is at the top of the food chain (literally) when it comes to decisions on product placement in grocery stores?  That person should be slapped.  For example, I’m buying ingredients for chili – which obviously calls for chili beans.  Beans are a vegetable.  Beans are in a can.  I expect them to be near canned vegetables – but NO!  That makes too much sense.  I made enough twists and turns – like a mouse in a maze looking for cheese – and honestly still couldn’t tell you where they’re located today.

john-madden-player-rating

I bet John Madden would agree that grocery store attendees each need a player rating

2)     THE GROCERY MADDEN RATING: Can we give grocery store attendees a Madden player rating, please?  For example, the lady that left her cart in the middle of the aisle while she sat there and contemplated between 8 different types of mayonnaise – you’re killing me.  By the way, I didn’t know there were that many types of mayonnaise.  But for her, look at John Madden football by EA Sports – that woman would get an awareness rating of 41.  She found her way to the store, but after that, it was downhill from then on.  Dream sequence: Everyone gets a Madden-like rating.  Ratings get posted outside the building before you walk in.  That way, if you see too many idiots roaming the store, you can hit the bar for a couple brews and come back later.

3)     THE IQ SELF-CHECKOUT: The self-checkout: What a great invention.  Only, it’s not for everyone.  At some stores, you scan your item and place it on a belt where it’s required to pass under a detector.  This is what we also need for the IQ self-checkout – the requirement for the patron to pass under a scanner – test his/her IQ and determine if he/she is smart enough to handle this cake-walk system.  It blows me away how many people can’t figure it out.

And that’s that – have you had any similar experiences, or wish something was done differently in the world of grocery stores?

It could’ve been worse.  At least I wasn’t this guy…

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