The concept of a man hogging the remote is an old wive’s tale – literally.  Face it, the women get their hot little hands on the TV’s main life force just as much as we do – and that can result in a mean-spirited battle for couch potato domination… or maybe something not quite that dramatic.

Either way, every man could use a leg up on the wife when it comes to the TV – and if I can do my part to help the men of the world survive, then gosh darnit, well… I don’t know what.

Take these recent TV nuggets of advice – featuring the hockey and hoops playoffs (from Thursday May 6^th through the weekend) – and TAKE BACK the TV!!

Note: All times based off Eastern Time schedule – Check local listings for channel info

Disclaimer: To those women that love sports – I know you’re also out there.  We want to build statues for you – OK, maybe not – but hey, you’re pretty neat anyway.

Remote Controlling: May 6 – 9, 2010

Thursday May 6

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Pittsburgh at Montreal (Game 4)

Penguins lead series 2-1

7:30 PM – NHL Playoffs – San Jose at Detroit (Game 4)

Sharks lead series 3-0 – and can clinch berth in Western Conference Finals with a win

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Atlanta at Orlando (Game 2)

Magic lead series 1-0

SECURE THE REMOTE!

It’s going to be a tough night to get control of the TV, what with new episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Private Practice during this window… plus My Big Fat Greek Wedding airs on ABC Family as well.

Better call for backup – that’s a triple threat.

Friday May 7

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Boston at Philadelphia (Game 4)

(AP Photo/Elise Amendola)

Bruins lead series 3-0 – and can clinch berth in Eastern Conference Finals with a win

7:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Cleveland at Boston (Game 3)

Series tied 1-1

7:10 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Phil Hughes is slated to face off against Josh Beckett

9:30 PM – NHL Playoffs – Chicago at Vancouver (Game 4)

Blackhawks lead series 2-1

9:30 PM – NBA Playoffs – Phoenix at San Antonio (Game 3)

Suns lead series 2-0

WARNING:

If the wife isn’t into any of the above, you have some competition – as ABC Family is at it again, this time airing The Notebook.  Master the parental lock if you can – because perhaps the wife hasn’t yet.  Oh, and buy some tissues – I hear that one’s extra sappy.

Saturday May 8

3:10 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Boston has youngster Buchholz facing off against New York’s ace C.C. Sabathia

5:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Orlando at Atlanta (Game 3)

The Magic head on the road to Atlanta

7:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Montreal at Pittsburgh (Game 5)

Penguins at home and could have a chance to clinch series, depending on Game 4

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – L.A. Lakers at Utah (Game 3)

Lakers lead series 2-0

10:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Detroit at San Jose (Game 5 – if necessary)

This game is off the map if Detroit can’t take Game 4

ESTROGEN COMPETITION:

How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days is on USA during the afternoon and during the evening games, you may get a fight from either The Bridges of Madison County or The Holiday – which could suit the wife’s fancy.

Sunday May 9

3:30 PM – NBA Playoffs – Cleveland at Boston (Game 4)

Boston will be going crazy with LeBron in town

8:00 PM – NHL Playoffs – Vancouver at Chicago (Game 5)

The Windy City is desperate for another title

8:00 PM – NBA Playoffs – Phoenix at San Antonio (Game 4)

The Spurs could be in a must-win situation depending on Game 3

8:05 PM – MLB – N.Y. Yankees at Boston

Two hot pitchers take the mound, as Boston’s Jon Lester faces off against New York’s A.J. Burnett at Fenway Park

RED ALERT:

50 First Dates is on during the day, and the wife may try and drag you in by mentioning Adam Sandler as a co-star.

For the nightcap, if you want to catch the playoff matchups, you should be on red alert, with tons of problem flicks and shows – such as Little Women (FLIX), 27 Dresses (FX) and an all-new Desperate Housewives (ABC).

If anything, catch yourself a good long-lasting glimpse of Eva Longoria Parker, and be on your merry playoff way.

That’s all for now… until next time – stay tuned – and happy watching.

Originally posted to KP’s Blog (via Fox Sports) on June 5, 2009

Usually the tomato throwing is a piece of cake.

While playoff games have reached a boiling point with both the NHL and NBA reaching finales, the rest of sports has been tepid at best.

Even with the drama down, there are plenty of situations up and available for discussion over the last week. Take the following lycopene-enriched examples…

Throwing Tomatoes: June 5, 2009

NBA Finals Not Final Yet

Keep Your Brooms in the Closet - Let’s not all jump the sweep bandwagon just yet. The Magic got a ton of open looks in Game 1, missing most of them.

Orlando Magic - Rashard Lewis admitted they “stunk it up”, and if Orlando can improve on the glass, along with getting hotter from the field, they could get right back into the series.

LeBron James - Yes, all the talk is still surrounding King James and how he bailed on the end of the Eastern Conference Finals. But the side story…

Recently, it was reported that James had a growth removed from his mouth. Fortunately, it was benign. I think it’s safe to say that whatever it was, he didn’t get it while swallowing his pride.

Twitter & Tony

If you haven’t heard, Tony LaRussa sued Twitter due to a case where someone created an account and impersonated the Cardinals coach, saying inappropriate things about his past and “causing emotional distress”. Hours ago, Twitter and LaRussa have come to a settlement.

The biggest tomato obviously goes to the idiot who had no life and felt the need to impersonate someone else in a negative way. Meanwhile…

Twitter was having trouble issuing a statement on the matter, because they’re only allowed 140 characters or less to send a message.

Big Papi’s Big Slump

Boston is still reeling as David Ortiz continues to struggle. It’s tough when a legend begins what appears to be a decline, especially one this rapid. And the latest…

I heard Ortiz is going to be getting an eye test. The good news, apparently he got a recommendation from one of the umps. Fine, it’s true, that last part Is fabricated.

Four Scores, Maybe Seven Years Ago?

Also mentioned via a Yahoo Sports blog a few days ago, if you haven’t heard, the Notre Dame Stadium scoreboard is up for sale. One can buy it here… get it while it’s hot!

Either way, it could be a bargain. After all, the scoreboard has been barely used in recent years. Dang, it’s like shootin’ fish in a barrel – just couldn’t resist.

That’s all for now, friends. Enjoy the NBA Finals, the Stanley Cup Finals, etc. As always, audience tomato participation is encouraged.

Originally posted to KP’s Blog (via Fox Sports) on May 31, 2009

Recently, yours truly dabbled in the art of playoff beard growth.

Call it in the honor of sports, from the NHL, where players make it a point to get as scraggly as a wildebeest, to the NBA players that do it – though besides the occasional Pau Gasol, the pro ballers would likely choose the way of a “tat growing” contest instead.

Or maybe it was in the honor of baseball, but only for the franchises that allow such a thing, such as the Red Sox, featuring guys like Kevin Youkilis, who could likely hide a few small woodland animals in his face.

Call it pure laziness, where a day that a misplaced shaver turns into a day where a found shaver with no charge in it, to a landscape of stubble that really wasn’t stubble at all but more of a mixture of sandpaper and skin.

And poof! A contest is born… but what type of playoff beard could be grown? Here’s to hoping I can make the men of sports proud with these hair-filled concoctions…

The Griffin Bird Beard

Give it some time and maybe a bushy circular mass could be formed, say resembling Peter Griffin’s character on Family Guy, specifically in the episode where he eventually had an endangered bird make a nest in his beard. As a result, he couldn’t harm the bird, and couldn’t eat either.

Yeah, sounds tasty.

The Speedy-Sein Beard

Hey, if you want to resemble a true gritty sports player, one must grow with authority, say like Jerry Seinfeld on his show, during the episode with the Wolf-mocking scene at the end. This was also the muffin tops show, where Jerry would get a five o’clock shadow quicker than one could say “quarter past my skin”. In the end, he began shaving for a woman, because she loved everything hairless.

Dang, that would help the cause.

The Una-Phoenix Beard

Then there’s the beard type that comes across as not the least bit well groomed. Take Joaquin Phoenix’s latest look, where he made an appearance on David Letterman’s show and Dave tossed a “Unabomber” zing in his direction. This beard needs grooming, and it’s one that Alex Ovechkin would be jealous of.

Messy and wayward, but quite effective.

Polling the Community

As a fan of sports, and someone who has witnessed the art of the playoff beard, I want to poll the community – have any of you grown a playoff beard or done anything crazy or insane to support your team? If so, what? I want to hear about it!

There are a lot of teams out there that have promoted such things – in fact, the Washington Capitals had a playoff beard growing contest during the most recent NHL Playoffs.

In the End: The McBeard

In the end, in regards to my beard, days went by and it was more a “Josh-McDaniels-like” face that resulted… more of a McBeard if you will… the hair was there, but it was more of a baby’s bottom than anything else.

Heck, who am I kidding? McDaniels could probably take me.

Maybe I should contact the Olympics committee, maybe we’re onto something here.

Then again, maybe not.

Shaver, you win. This thing itches like hell anyway.

Headlined Youkilis photo: by Aaron Josefczyk/Reuters

Originally posted to KP’s Blog (via Fox Sports) on April 7, 2009

There’s plenty of news to go around the world of sports, and Fox Sports has got you covered. Take the following stories (linked below) across the sports world today, where KP provides you with the link and a few thoughts of his own.

Let’s call it “The Foxtrot”, shall we? Do you want to lead or shall I? No worries, I got it…

The FOXTROT: April 7, 2009

Griffin Chooses the NBA

Honestly, should we really call this news? Personally, I would see it as news if Blake Griffin did NOT choose to enter the NBA draft. We all knew this was coming, and let’s drop the Rubio talk, this kid should go #1… and WILL go #1.

Boo Hoo Tex, Boo Hoo New York

It’s one game Yankees fans, calm down. Yes, the Orioles knocked out the Yanks on Opening Day, but the story shouldn’t be the poor start by CC Sabathia. It’s instead about Teixeira being booed all game. To the critics who say the O’s fans were classless… first you blame Baltimore for allowing New York and Boston fans to take over Camden Yards. Now, you blame them for booing a hometown kid who was quoted on numerous past occasions to be interested in signing with the O’s, only to shun them for a hated rival? Leave the O’s fans alone prognosticators. There were no Barry Bonds needles or any objects thrown. This was a vocal point that got across the plate at 96mph, and that’s that.

L.A.’s Bynum Puts the Man in Mansion

Reports out of Los Angeles say that Andrew Bynum could return to the Lakers later this week, adding more depth to the Western Conference’s top seeded team. Wow, I guess that rehab at the Playboy Mansion really paid off, didn’t it?

No More Football for Elway?

Reports out of Tempe state that Jack Elway (yes, John’s son) has decided to leave the football program at Arizona State. Yes, leave football… and NO, not to play somewhere else. He’s staying at ASU. Hey, I’m all for a young man making his own decisions on where he wants to go and what he wants to do in life, but seriously, can we run a paternal test on this kid? C’mon now, the next thing you’re going to tell me is that one of Jordan’s kids is going to play hoops at Central Florida.

Agent-less Meeks Flirts with NBA

Kentucky’s Jodie Meeks has decided to declare for the NBA draft, but has not hired an agent, which means he could still return to the Wildcats – and plain and simple, he should return. With Calipari on board, some new talented recruits, and maybe even Patrick Patterson coming back, it would be wise for Meeks to stick around and see if UK can generate some new NCAA magic, plus gain some more experience.

Miller Time in Arizona, Or Not, No Wait…

Former Xavier coach Sean Miller accepted the head coaching position at Arizona, one day after turning down the original offer. It’s a great opportunity for Miller, who will take over the historical Wildcats program. My only advice for him is to maybe avoid any future career talks with Billy Donovan. I kid because I care, my friends.

Manu Unhappy Returns for San Antonio

Manu Ginobili is out for the rest of the season – including the playoffs. And with that, should also go San Antonio’s season. Sorry to say, but I don’t see the Spurs getting it done without him. In fact, a lower seed like New Orleans, Utah, or Dallas could easily knock the Spurs out in the first round. The West is just too talented for a team to have a key piece missing.

Player’s Last Masters

The Masters is just around the corner and the talk of the town is Tiger, as always. There’s little mention of Phil, and little mention of Paddy Harrington, who has won back-to-back majors. And even more sad, is that there’s little talk about Gary Player, another golf legend who will be playing in his final Masters. It’s been a great career Mr. Player, and a pleasure to see you play for all these years.

This dance has ended… and speaking of dances, congrats to North Carolina, this year’s National Champions of March Madness.