The grass is always greener on the other side, right?

Sure it is – and Les Miles is ALWAYS on time.

Perhaps that question should be directed to the fans, supporters and teams of college football – in particular those who enjoyed sunny days in the recent past – followed by a whole heck of a lot of gloomy days heading into the present.

We’re talkin’ raining cats and dogs – and not ‘Dawgs.

So upon diving into this topic for a second, if there were coaches that many wish they had back and running particular college football programs, who would they be?

Here are some coaches that come to mind – in the latest Sexy Seven (plus a BONUS one this week):

College Football: Coaches That Teams Wish They Had Back

Bobby Petrino (at Louisville)

Bobby Petrino was 41-9 as head coach at “The Ville”, including four bowl game appearances and an 11-3 record as a member of the Big East conference.

In a matter of months, the Cardinals went from a breeding ground for NFL quarterbacks to a festival of football follies.

Therefore, it would come as no surprise to hear that no one wants a coach back more than Louisville wants Petrino – though there may be some intrigue and excitement with brand spankin’ new hire (and former Gators DC) Charlie Strong.

Lloyd Carr (at Michigan)

This season, Michigan football celebrates its official return to being the owner of the largest capacity crowd in the college game.

(Photo Credit: Walter Iooss Jr./Sports Illustrated)

Translation: 2010 seems destined to be “The Big House featuring Little Football.”

In a few seasons, the Wolverines have transformed from a model of consistency (under Lloyd Carr) to a model of conspiracy under Rich Rodriguez – ranging from players transferring, to rules being broken, to self-imposed sanctions and so on.

Lloyd Carr may not have been perfect in the eyes of the maize and blue, but his career record of 122-40 is looking like Brooklyn Decker in a bikini compared to Rich Rod’s Rosie O’Donnell-like career at Michigan.

Phil Fulmer (at Tennessee)

Many will be quick to criticize, saying that Phil Fulmer’s recruiting efforts were fading, and the team was sinking further and further towards football mediocrity.

Two words to counter that argument: Lane Kiffin.

Say what you want about Fulmer, he still made 15 bowl games in 17 seasons and he won a “Natty” in 1998 for UT – when Kiffin couldn’t even manage to cheer up a “Natty Ice” with any of the Vols faithful.

Instead, Lane simply left the entire state of Tennessee with “bitter beer face.”

Terry Donahue (at UCLA)

Under Donahue’s watch, the Bruins won 151 games, including five conference titles and seven straight bowl victories from 1982-1987.

After his departure, UCLA’s new coach was Bob Toledo – and while there were back-to-back seasons of brilliance in 1997 and 1998 – the rest of his tenure was, well… Toledo-esque.

Karl Dorrell’s stretch was nothing to write home to Mom about and current headman Rick Neuheisel’s run is still in its infant stages.

Holy Toledo – where for art thou, Terry?

Nick Saban (at LSU)

LSU certainly hasn’t been a doormat under Les Miles, but many could easily question his far-from-elite regime.  After all, the national title was won with Saban’s recruits.

Worse, Miles hasn’t been able to tell time to save his life.  Not only have there been the late game blunders with clock management, Miles was even late to his press conference during the 2010 SEC Media Days.

Someone needs to giftwrap a replica of Flava Flav’s clock, so that Les can wear it during the upcoming football season.

Maybe then he’ll get a better idea of the time – and before his own time is up.

TWHS thinks Les Miles needs a replica of Flava Flav's clock to assist with his clock management

R.C. Slocum (at Texas A&M)

The majority of critics would be quick to point out that Slocum’s bowl record (3-8) was reminiscent of something to be flushed down a different type of bowl – but looking back on his ability to maintain a clean program, while also showing compassion in comforting his players through tragic events such as the bonfire disasater, Slocum’s record would be welcomed back with open arms.

11 bowl games and a record of 123-47-2 over 14 seasons, that’s leaps and bounds over the Aggies’ performances over the last decade.

The 12^th man would simply love to have more than a dozen reasons to party on New Year’s Day again.

June Jones (at Hawai’i)

The Warriors went from aerial attack to verbal attack – as June Jones (75-41 as coach) developed lethal offenses featuring quarterbacks like Timmy Chang and Colt Brennan, while Greg McMackin only has launched a handful of derogatory comments and slurs.

What bigger collapse could anyone deliver in college sports – losing a former NFL coach and replacing him with a guy that many likely would still rather see roasted with an apple in his mouth.

Paul Pasqualoni (at Syracuse)

Syracuse is like the Apple of college football – cruising along, steady as a rock and then… BOOM… iPhone 4.

There was a bevy of success under Pasqualoni (who amassed 107 victories), and also Dick MacPherson before him.

The actual real beginning of the orange crush was 2005, when the ‘Cuse mustered just one victory in Greg Robinson’s first season as head coach.

Over four seasons, Robinson couldn’t even crack a dozen wins – and instead was left with egg on his face.  And while the Orange have been more competitive under Doug Marrone, a bowl game still feels like miles away – and saying that is very realistic – and not walking on eggshells.

The latest edition of Tomatoes covers a smorgasbord of sports topics, from hot dogs and Major League Eating, to NBA free agency, to the World Cup and more.

So as the headlines continue to get generated, more stories of sports frustration emerge.  Don’t sweat it, The Wife Hates Sports has them covered – in lycopene, that is.

Throwing Tomatoes: July 5, 2010

Takeru Kobayashi

…for biting off more than he can chew.

The Coney Island Fourth of July hot dog contest has become a bizarre, yet famous event – featuring two headlining Major League eaters in Takeru Kobayashi and Joey Chestnut.

Well, except for this year, when Kobayashi wanted more freedom, and therefore refused to sign a new deal with Major League Eating.  He still showed up to the event, and after chants from the crowd to let him participate, Kobayashi rushed the stage – and after refusing to be removed, he was arrested and spent a night in jail.

What a wiener.

JaMarcus Russell

JaMarcus Russell arrested on possession of a controlled substance

The former Oakland Raiders top pick is at it again.

JaMarcus Russell has been arrested for being in possession of a controlled substance – specifically codeine syrup.

With months of speculation as to whether Russell will catch on with another NFL team, it’s now safe to say that a playbook will not be the type of book that gets thrown at him.

Charlie Manuel

… for ignoring Stephen Strasburg as an NL All-Star representative.

Leaving Joey Votto off the original list of NL All-Stars is a crime, but the most talked about omission should be Washington rookie Stephen Strasburg, who was a topic for discussion heading into the voting’s final days.

I understand the argument that others should get a shot over a kid who has six starts under his belt for the season.

At least, I understood that a few years ago – when the All-Star was an exhibition that meant nothing.

Now it means home field advantage in the World Series, and therefore Strasburg’s 2.45 ERA and 53 K’s in 36 2/3 innings is that much more valuable – and should be All-Star worthy.

Atlanta Hawks

…for signing Joe Johnson to a max deal.

So I’m thinking that perhaps the Atlanta Hawks felt they had to sign Johnson to a max deal – so that they could keep the star in town, and they thought they likely couldn’t attract two other stars with the same kind of money.

I’m speculating.

But still, even though Johnson clarified his nasty comments to Atlanta fans – saying that he did love it in Atlanta – it’s possible that the locals are still not pleased with this signing, especially the way he and the Hawks showed up in the playoffs.

Who knows, but from this point of view – Johnson has a lot to prove to earn the Benjamins that are being placed in front of him.

LeBron James

…for “pulling a Brett Favre”.

Please LeBron, no more dates on when you will sign!

Listen, I’m all for LeBron taking his time when making such a major decision in his career – Ireally am.

But what I’m not a fan of is James going in the direction of Brett Favre – and leading everyone along a stretch of indecision – albeit in its early stages.

First, he says he’ll have a decision made before the holiday weekend is over with – and now, James has gone on to say that he’ll decide by July 8^th – the official day that NBA teams can begin to get contracts with players finalized.

C’mon King – just tell the media (and the world) that you’re weighing your options and don’t place a date on it.  If you keep tossing out dates, you’ll be starring in a Sears commercial with Brett Favre himself.

Fernando Torres

…for not showing up to the World Cup.

There are a number of teams and players that have not lived up to their potential in this year’s World Cup – but none is more glaring than Spain’s Fernando Torres – who not only hasn’t scored a goal in the World Cup, but spanning across five games (four started), Torres only has two shots on goal.

His lack of production has gotten to be so alarming, Spain has actually considered benching him in the team’s semifinal match versus Germany.

Oakland Athletics

…for creating t-shirts regarding the Braden-Rodriguez incident from a few months ago.

For starters, does everyone even recall the incident back on April 22^nd – when Oakland starter Dalas Braden got into a verbal spat with New York’s Alex Rodriguez, all after A-Rod chose to childishly walk over Braden’s pitching mound?

Now, as reported by Andrew Merchand of ESPNNewYork.com, the A’s haven’t let go – and plan to try and make a buck off the incident, selling t-shirts that simply state, “Get Off My Mound.”

Geez Louise, are the A’s still selling “Bash Brothers” shirts, too?

C’mon Oakland – no one cares about this incident anymore… they barely did to begin with.

This has been Throwing Tomatoes, where we take our dogs with extra ketchup.

It’s been a wild crazy stretch in the sports world.

College football saw a mid-June shakeup that could have been much more dramatic.

The Lakers are NBA champs and the Chicago Blackhawks are hoisting the Stanley Cup for the first time in decades.

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is in full swing and the U.S. Open is nearing its conclusion, with both Tiger and Phil lurking on the leaderboard.

As the headlines continue to get generated, more stories of sports frustration are right there in the mix.  Don’t sweat it, The Wife Hates Sports has them covered – in lycopene, that is.

Throwing Tomatoes: June 20, 2010

Koman Coulibaly

…for becoming the most famous name in this year’s World Cup.

If you haven’t heard of Coulibaly, then you simply haven’t been following the World Cup.

Koulibaly is the goat of the 2010 World Cup

Yes, he’s the referee that single-handedly stole away a comeback victory for the United States(against Slovenia) a few short days ago.

In the end, hopefully he won’t also be stealing away the Americans’ ticket to the next round.  That fate can be erased simply wilth a U.S. victory over Algeria on Wednesday morning.

On the bright side, he may have sparked more red, white and blue interest in the World Cup.

French Soccer

… for doing what they do best.

Forget Spain losing in its opening game, or England underachieving in the World Cup – because France has been the biggest disappointment of the tournament so far.

It all started when striker Nicolas Anelka was dismissed from the team after having an argument the team’s coach, Raymond Domenech.

Next, the team’s fitness coach and Domenech got in a spat – and now the team director has resigned.

What teamwork!

On top of all that, the French haven’t scored a goal in its first two games – managing one point thanks to a 0-0 draw with Urugay in the team’s first game.

Should we have expected any less than to see the French surrender so easily?

Probably not…

Albert Haynesworth

…for being the highest paid crybaby in sports.

Forget the ongoing Brett Favre retirement saga… because the Albert Haynesworth story is by far the most annoying in the NFL right now.

The guy signs a mega deal (which yes, I agree was a mistake by the Redskins in the first place) – and does nothing but complain ever since.

He’s a clubhouse cancer and a complainer.  It has to get to a point that who cares how much talent a guy has in this day and age – there’s always a valuable replacement.

If the Redskins are lucky enough to move him, then let it be done.  If not, just cut your losses and cut your ties – and no one else should sign the guy, either.

Florida Marlins

…for spreading and supporting the vuvuzela nightmare.

In a home game against in-state rival Tampa Bay, the Florida Marlins handed out 15,000 horns that were considered to be “vuvuzela-like”.

Yes, the Fish were looking to feed off the World Cup – and obviously handed these out intentionally.

Only, perhaps the Marlins weren’t really paying attention – because if one were to focus on the feedback regarding the vuvuzelas, they would discover that the majority of people can’t stand the damn things – present company included.

Instead, I would have recommended some kind of Marlins-US soccer t-shirt combination giveaway – something significantly more silent.

Andrej Komac

…for not providing a money back guarantee.

Don’t think for one second that as an American, I’d let this one slip through the cracks.

It has happened countless times in the United States – a player guaranteeing a win, but can’t back up his bold prediction.

Andrej Komac of Slovenia guaranteed a victory over the Americans – and as we all know by now, that didn’t happen.  In fact, the Slovenians were lucky to end the game in a draw.

Bravo, Andrej… any other big predictions?  Semifinals, maybe?  C’mon man – aim high.

The Powers of the World Cup

…for creating a March Madness atmosphere.

It’s great for World Cup fans – as this tournament appears to be wide open, what with Brazil having trouble escaping with a win, Spain losing already, Germany falling in its second match, France falling apart, England struggling and Italy managing two draws, including in its second match against New Zealand.

But for all of those aforementioned soccer powers – what a disappointment so far…

For the fans: Do we have a March Madness situation coming our way?  One can only hope.

This has been Throwing Tomatoes, where one can toot his own horn, but just as long as it is not vuvuzela-like in nature…

Call their tune a mixture of something in between the sound a wounded duck would make and the sound of Australia via an Outback Steakhouse commercial.

Perhaps an even better way to describe one would be to instead refer to the movie Dumb and Dumber – yes, the bonehead comedy starring Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels.

How?  Here’s how:

Yes, friends – that’s how I personally would describe those long, plastic horns that so many soccer (or football, if you’re across the pond) fans are using during the 2010 World Cup matches.

If you haven’t already heard (oh, the irony with that statement), the horns are called vuvuzelas – and yours truly is going to refer to them as the “official voice of the 2010 World Cup.”

Upon first tuning into the World Cup over the weekend to check out the United States vs.England, I fully knew that heading into the match, I would hear the gentle buzzing of the vuvuzelas – but really thought nothing of it at the time.

Before the match began, there was a brief discussion about them by the commentators on ABC, stating that each horn costs about a dollar to make – yet were going for approximately 12 to 13 bucks at the stadium.  Don’t quote me on those figures – they’re just how I remembered them off the top of my head – but it was somewhere in that ballpark.

Then the game started.

Yeah, not so gentle whatsoever.

As the story goes, the vuvuzelas are commonly a means for fans to cheer the game (and their team) in South Africa.

Here’s more info on the vuvuzela – as reported here during the Confederations Cup last year:

But we all know there are a lot of tourists in the region traveling just to see the World Cup.

So my question is, “How many people are purchasing these horns, why are they using them and of what age, nationality and sex are each of these people?”

It isn’t that big of a deal to know the answer, but it’s more curiosity, because in the United States – it’s kind of like going to a 4^th of July fireworks show – and seeing the vendors that are out in the venue.  It’s always the kids that are present that end up walking around with the sparklers and the glow in the dark necklaces – and NEVER the adults.

So how does it work for these horns at the World Cup?  Is it anything like America’s Independence Day, or is this just the theory of a “stupid Yank”, perhaps?

Or maybe it’s just the locals breaking out the vuvuzelas?

Hey, maybe we don’t quite understand the novelty, here… as their importance to the culture – that very much could be true… but one thing’s for sure… the vuvuzelas do not escape our minds.

In fact, I hear the buzzing in my head of these ridiculous horns for hours after a match.  It happened that day after the U.S. tied England, and it was that way again after Germany routed Australia earlier.

It’s going to be that way for the rest of the tournament, unless I mute my TV – or unless a higher power behind the World Cup itself decides to ban them.

There has been talk of that too, by the way.

Until then, I’ll just have to channel my inner-Lloyd Christmas, and watch some soccer.

What about you?  What are your thoughts on the vuvuzelas?  Chime in below:

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is just around the corner – and the whole world has been waiting for this… and this time, that just may include the good ol’ U-S-of-A, too.

Due to some exciting and competitive performances in recent tournaments, the country has rallied around USA soccer to some degree – and therefore, there’s excitement brewing for the red, white and blue headed into this year’s tournament, being held in South Africa.

Therefore, to celebrate the World Cup tournament – which starts up in just a few days (on June 11th) – The Wife Hates Sports would like to present another caption challenge.

This time around, you get a special double dose – featuring two of the most ridiculous and hilarious soccer-related images that we could find on the internet.

Here are the images (below) – and here’s your chance to generate the most creative, funny, or unique caption possible for one – or both of them.  Either that, or just pitch in your initial thoughts on USA’s chances in this year’s World Cup.

Have at it, friends – and as always, thanks for reading The Wife Hates Sports!

Picture 1:

Picture 2: