This year, I decided that I wanted to throw the greatest Super Bowl party ever.

In order to get the ball rolling, I thumbed through my little black book, which happens to contain a plethora of contact information for a number of various celebrities in both the entertainment business and sports world.

Sad to say, after all my efforts, I struck out miserably – much like a clean Sammy Sosa.

Either way, this Super Bowl Eve, I felt it would be worth sharing the responses that I DID receive:

celebrity-excuses-eli-manning-jim-harbaugh-gary-busey

Eli Manning, Jim Harbaugh and Gary Busey all declined my Super Bowl party invite (OK, fine, that’s not true)

Celebrity Excuses for NOT Attending My Super Bowl Party (2014 Edition)

Jerry Jones – He thinks he can do a better job with his own party, and refuses to hire anyone else to make party-related decisions.  HIS LOSS.

Robert Griffin III – He didn’t give a reason, which is surprising, considering he’s been the master of providing excuses for about a year now.

Richard Sherman – I heard that he balked at the fact that I would be serving CRAB DIP.

Justin Bieber – He heard I wouldn’t be serving any Sizzurp.

marshawn-lynch-seattle-mix-skittles

Marshawn Lynch loves him some Skittles

Marshawn Lynch – He didn’t give a reason, and quite honestly, didn’t say much of anything.  It’s a damn shame, because I bought a pantload of Skittles.

Mike Ditka – It was an emphatic “NO”, as he thinks cold weather Super Bowl parties are stupid.

Rob Chudzinski – He declined after not seeing the word “Annual” on the invitation, as he’s easily agitated by “one and done” situations.

Shia Labeouf – He heard I wouldn’t be serving any Sizzurp.  Yes, he stole Justin’s excuse.

Jim Harbaugh – He gave no reason.  My best guess is that Wal-Mart had a sale on pants.

Gary Busey – He said, “I doubt it”, then followed up by telling me that DOUBT stands for “Debate on Understanding Bewildersome Thoughts”.  Yeah, a simple ‘NO’ would have worked for me.

Eli Manning – From what I hear, he actually planned on coming, but was intercepted on the way over.

Floyd Mayweather – He didn’t want to gamble with making the trip, and risk not arriving to my place on time.  That came as quite a shock actually.

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Gisele beats out a good seven-layer dip on any day, including Super Bowl Sunday

Tom Brady – One word response: “Gisele”.  Sure, go ahead and rub it in, Tommy, but you’re missing out on some mean seven-layer dip.

Masahiro Tanaka – He gave 155 million reasons, but my party ain’t one.  I found that to be a strange response, considering Jay-Z’s not his agent.

Rob Ford – My party just couldn’t promise enough “crazy” for him.

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino – The conversation went downhill after I told him that all he needed to bring was a six-pack.

Nick Saban – My party may have stood a chance if at some point during the night, I were featuring either the “Electric Slide” or the “Chicken Dance”.

And last, but certainly not least…

Kellen Winslow Jr. – I decided to rescind the invitation once I heard that he was stopping at Target to grab some beef jerky to bring over.

It appears that I will not be having any famous people over to my pad on Super Bowl Sunday.

Seriously, what the hell am I going to do with all this seven-layer dip?

Oh well, enjoy Super Bowl XLVIII, friends!

Disclaimer:  In all honesty, I know zero celebrities – and don’t even own a little black book.  This was merely an attempt at humor, but hey, you probably knew that already, didn’t you?

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